


I Need Someone I Know Is Real (Backstopped)

by s_millss



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, JTF-12 Taskforce AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 19:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18644989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_millss/pseuds/s_millss
Summary: At eighteen, Spencer Reid is recruited by Interpol to join the JTF-12 taskforce. At twenty-three, he is pulled from the FBI Academy, and assigned to the BAU. At twenty-five, Emily Prentiss walks back into his life as the newest member of the team.





	I Need Someone I Know Is Real (Backstopped)

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Any recognisable dialogue belongs exclusively to the CBS Television Show created by Jeff Davis and Showrunner Erica Messer; Criminal Minds

 

* * *

**Chapter I –** _Unknown Subject_

* * *

He turns twenty-four as a fully-fledged member of the Behavioural Analysis Unit.

He lets Elle squish a ridiculously large party hat onto his head, smiles widely, genuinely when JJ sets a huge cake with twenty-four lit candles on his desk in front of him, and rolls his eyes, when the candles won't blow out, because Morgan has pranked him again.

He tries not to think of nineteen, twenty and twenty-one – "Reid does this make you legal yet?" – because those birthdays, that person, no longer exists. "Hope you like chocolate." He doesn't, not really, but he'll eat it anyway – this is his first real birthday cake and he doesn't have the heart to disappoint her.

"You know she's the only person in the world to call me Spence?" He tells Gideon, and it's the truth; he's Reid or Spencer, never variations thereof.

On the plane, when the case is over and Gideon gifts him with Redskins tickets, he tells the truth again, after Gideon asks; "ever been to a professional football game?" "No, I honestly didn't even know what this was," he's never had time for professional sports, not as a child, when he cared for his Mother and not as an adult, when he cared for _her._ "JJ?" He asks, when Gideon tells him they'll not be going together and his mentor nods. "She's a huge Redskins fan."

He takes the hint, and stumbling through it, manages to ask JJ to accompany him to the game – it's not his first date, but it _is_ his first real one.

He wears jeans, buys them matching Redskins jerseys at the merchandise stand, and bravely exchanges one of the two cups of beer in her hands, for his. Her smile is like the sun he decides, as their fingers link together.

It's impulse, that leads him to kiss her on the doorstep of her apartment building, _impulse_ , that lifts her up onto her kitchen counter, _impulse,_ that has them naked and moaning the other's name – it's a mistake, they admit, between lazy kisses on her lounge room floor, inter-personal relationships are discouraged within units, especially in close-knit ones such as theirs.

This won't go any further, they decide. "We've both got the option to rise up the ranks in the future and a relationship between us could jeopardise that", JJ mentions offhandedly, still draped half across his body and he agrees – he had little choice in joining the BAU as a profiler, but now he's here, he has no intention to leave _._

Their promise is childish, a stark contrast to their actions, a simple linking of pinky fingers and a commitment of friendship – one day, he thinks, it could be something else, but he has no desire to ask her to hoist the burdens of his secrets, professional _or_ personal. Sometimes he thinks there's no longer a line between the two – but he'll not blur the distinction with JJ – not like he did before.

And when Morgan asks, "what happened between you and JJ at the Redskins game?" he answers him with a smile; "Top Secret."

* * *

He fumbles his firearm qualification.

Why should he wield a gun now, as an Agent of the Federal Bureau of Investigation, when the last time he held one as an Agent of INTERPOL, it was to the side of a child's head.

Hotch is disappointed but reminds him that; "Profilers aren't required to carry," despite the fact he carries two. Gideon waves it off; "You can retest in two weeks," and he agrees, despite knowing that when he does, he has every intention of failing again. Morgan, unsurprised and teasing, drops a whistle around his neck; "The kid was pulled from the Academy too early," is what he overhears whispered to Elle, who pats him on the shoulder and assures him she doesn't think any less of him.

He's a crack shot, INTERPOL made certain of that, but when he'd applied for the FBI academy, he'd aimed for a desk job, not a seat at the table with four of the best profilers he'd ever met – he'd exchanged terrorists for serial killers and despite that, he has no plans to carry a gun again.

Yet he sees the benefit when they're held at gun-point in a hospital, Hotch is building a rapport with the Unsub and he's being described as a "wet behind the ears _unarmed Kid_ , who can't shoot his way out of a paper-bag.". He takes every kick with a hidden grin, and when he slips Hotch's Glock from his concealed holster and _takes the shot_ … he tells Hotch he was "aiming for his leg."

"As far as I'm concerned you've passed your qualification," Hotch tells him, waving away his attempt to return the gun. He decides then – terrorists for serial killers, he reminds himself – and wears Hotch's gun holstered at his side.

He won't be caught unarmed again.

* * *

He's captivated by the infant in Hotch's arms – his name is Jack, they're informed, and were he a Godly man, he'd think it fitting, the meaning behind the name. _God is gracious._ "He's so gorgeous," JJ coos, "If you find baldness and wrinkles attractive," he says in gest, receiving a smack to his chest from Garcia who leans forwards to state; "look at his little witty, bitty nose."

Jack blinks slowly, and he finds himself committing ever feature to memory, eyes, that match Hotch, hair, fair and blonde now, that is all Haley – a perfect balance between them. He hopes that _Her_ son, inherited everything from his Mother.

"Don't you want one of these?" Garcia asks Morgan, and he thinks, though the question is not directed at him, that perhaps, one day, he would; "I'll stick to practicing." Morgan answers, and laugher follows.

* * *

The first time he accepts the BAU is his home, is the first time, they truly feel like a family – New York is Elle, he thinks, brash, tenacious and headstrong; and as they sit around a table laden with Chinese food, he smiles, even as he struggles with his chopsticks.

JJ wraps a hairband around the tips – her smile is still like sunshine, he thinks, and returns it widely.

* * *

Los Angeles is different to New York. He can't equate this place to a person – the heat, the people, the culture – it's not him.

He doesn't _get_ art, but when the first day of the seminar they're hosting has been completed, he drags Gideon to the opening of Parker's Art Gallery for leave of anything else to do – Lila, he finds, is more interesting than any piece of Artwork on the walls.

"I'm not going to stop living my life. I'm just not." She tells him, when she disregards his instruction to stay inside – he offers her a hand to pull her out – and coughs, when he finds himself in the pool beside her. "My gun is wet, so great." He mumbles, removing the holster and setting it on the edge of the pool, even as she laughs.

It's wrong – "this is completely inappropriate," he informs her, but kisses her back anyway, cupping the sides of her face and losing himself for a single moment, before he falls back to earth, and reminds himself; "there's this thing called transference…" She doesn't agree, and interrupts his explanations with kisses – "I like you," she tells him, "right here, it's just you and me," so he tells her about her Manger, because he knows, this, will make her stop treating her life like a game.

Later, when it's dark and he's at his desk, staring at his face on the cover of some tabloid magazine, it's Morgan, who teases and laughs, and ultimately, gives him the reassurance he isn't so certain he deserves after stepping over the line. "Kid… don't sell yourself short. You took down an armed subject without firing a shot, you saved her life. That's pretty much a hero in my book."

"There's some things," Morgan tells him, "you can't control, even with that big old brain of yours."

He throws the tabloid in the bin – he won't be seeing Lila again.

* * *

He can't move from the doorway.

The paper-wrapped book in his hand feels like it weighs a ton – he should have followed Morgan and Elle to Jamaica; "Pretty boy, last chance, I can get my man to swing you a hotel room for practically nothing."

His Mother's nurse is kind, greets him with a surprised smile and he shuffles uncomfortably; he hasn't been here since that first week, three years ago now, when he'd made his decision – his freedom, for her cage. "Schizophrenia is a lifetime disease," her Nurse reminds him, and he nods and presses the book into her hands, "it's Margaery Kemp, her favourite," he's not ready.

He returns the next day, fortified, ready to stop running, but he doesn't make it past the front desk, the package left for him, too important, too convenient an excuse, to put off seeing his Mother again.

The boards in the briefing room are covered with clues they can't make sense of – the key, the butterfly, the lock of hair belonging to a missing teenager and number after nonsensical number and when Gideon looks in only long enough to order JJ to gather a Press Conference he speaks up. "Hotch, we need to play by the Unsub's rules," and he thinks his warning heeded, when JJ sinks back into her chair, and Hotch agrees – but Gideon, too angry and too hurt to contemplate the damage he could cause, stands before the Press himself, urging anyone with information to come forward.

" _Agent Greenaway did not have to die like that,"_ The Unsub tells them, and the he feels like he can't breathe, "I told you," he whispers looking first to Hotch, and then to Gideon, "I told you." It's an accusation, cold and angry, but all Gideon had to do was listen _and play by the rules._

It's ironic, he thinks, as he places the call to the Nevada field office, that this case, the one he had used as an escape – leads him right back to his Mother.

"People tell me their secrets all the time," he says offhandedly to Garcia, as they wait for his Mother to arrive, "I think it's cause they know I don't have anyone to betray them to… aside from my Mom." He wonders, if she was still in his life, would he have told her too?

His Mother is paranoid, jittery, _furious_ that he had Federal Agents bring her to him; "you _know_ , I'm terrified of flying," she growls, and he feels like a child again. He doesn't know how to talk to her – it's been three years, three long years, he's changed and she's still _sick_ , coherent as she may be – but she breaks the case nonetheless, identifying Randal Garner as the Unsub.

She's in the middle of an episode when he returns; "have you read any of the material" she asks, "I've had them read to me," he tells her, and she answers his soft smile with one of her own. "Wonderful, that's the best way, isn't it."

"Yes Ma'am, by far." He replies and takes a seat.

* * *

"I lied to you." He reveals to Elle, one night after he's turned up at her door, two and a half months after she was shot. She raises an eyebrow, and lets him in, "Chico?" she asks, waiting for an explanation.

She's still not fully healed, he notices, she moves gingerly, cautiously, in slow careful movements designed to avoid causing pain – she keeps her weapon at her side, loaded and ready to fire. "You asked me, after the train, whether I was familiar with Schizophrenia and I lied. I lied because it was easy, because I didn't want…"

"Spencer…"

"Did you know that Schizophrenia is genetically passed?"

"Yes."

"I know what it's like, to be afraid of your own mind Elle, because one day, for all my _genius_ , my mind might fail me."

"I can't stay in this house." She blurts, and he can't blame her – she'd been shot here, he knows, there's fresh paint on the walls, the couch he's sitting on is brand new – but it's not enough.

* * *

He recognises the signs.

She's impulsive, reckless, she keeps her back to the wall and her eyes on the exits, the almost imperceptible flinch she can't control whenever Gideon steps within a foot of her, the angry glares she directs at Hotch's back – she's suffering.

He goes to her room, pours himself a drink, and listens. She's not okay, and he tells her so – but she doesn't want to hear a diagnosis, doesn't want to admit that anything is wrong; "Go home Elle." He orders, and hopes she'll listen.

"I can't go back." Is her barely audible response, so he pushes his keys into her hands, and tells her; "the spare room is yours, for as long as you want it. I'll clear it with Hotch in the morning – go home," and so she does.

Hotch understands, but Gideon, with his cold silence and unwavering glares doesn't hide his disapproval; "You had no authority to send her home." He takes Gideon's scorn with his head held high, and when a female detective steps in to go undercover during the sting, he's glad – Elle wouldn't have coped.

* * *

He returns his apartment, to a home-cooked meal.

It's a Cuban recipe; "My Mamá taught me," Elle informs him – it's the most relaxed he's seen her in months, with his kitchen a mess and the old take-out boxes and packaged ready-to-eat meals that used to occupy his refrigerator thrown in the trash. "No wonder you're so skinny Chico," she teases, and he smiles as she rambles about her Mother's recipes and promises to cook him "real food."

They don't speak, about when she'll return to the BAU, about the symptoms she exhibits that are so clearly post-traumatic stress disorder, but she thanks him, right before she retires for the night, and he nods – no more words are needed.

That night he learns she has nightmares… and she learns he does too.

* * *

It's sunny, on the day Emily Prentiss walks back into his life.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> AN: And so it begins


End file.
